Sigh. Much as I try, I can't keep those crazy kids at Sinister Regard from putting out new ebook editions of my juvenilia. The latest novella to get this pixelation treatment is Deus ex Machina, my ridiculous sci-fi romp about an artificial intelligence who tries to kill God and take the Big I AM's place.

The trade paperback edition of Deus ex Machina was released late last year, but for the ebook release Sinister Regard has given it a spiffily updated cover. And the ebook is available pretty much everywhere! Smashwords, Kobo, Nook, iBooks and Kindle all have it for a measly $1.99, and it's also available for your reading pleasure on such subscription services as Oyster and Scribd. How do you like me now?

But wait! That's not all! Sinister Regard will be bringing out three more of my books in print and electronic editions over the course of the summer, including two that have never before seen the light of day! First, on June 16th, is Whether We Are Mended, my collection of three long sci-fi love stories, which is also getting a cover that's a vast improvement over its original hardback edition.

Then, on July 14th, comes The Conscience of the King, an epic fantasy about magic, revenge, and actors. It was inspired, as you might already have guessed, by Hamlet, because someone once told me that when a writer steals, he should not just steal from the best but also desecrate the original to such an extent that no one will ever want to tread that ground again. Ahem.

And finally, August 11th will see the appearance of The Revivalist, a post-apocalyptic tale of science colliding with religion in a world that's been all but wiped out by nanotechnology gone awry. And the protagonist is eighty years old. Just like me!

All three of these forthcoming titles are available now for preordering at most of the retailers I mentioned above, so plunk your shekels down now. You can find links to all the stores at the top of my home page, where there's a slick new "book ribbon" that lets you click back and forth through my entire catalog.

Okay, I guess I'm a little bit excited about all this. Especially the last two books, which I think are two of my best early works. But you be the judge of that. Buy everything. It's cheap.

A lexicographer once told me that any English noun could properly be used as a transitive verb. I said I wanted to dictionary him in the face.

By the way, the vicious rumor that I sold 49% of my soul to the Devil is 99% true.

The good folks over at Sinister Regard (chaotic good, that is) have twisted my arm into telling you that a handful of my old books will soon be made available as ebooks on multiple, not to mention in some nice new print-on-demand editions. This includes not only the books that are already available but also a couple of others that have never before been seen. Watch this space, as they say, for more details.

Now excuse me. I'm off to get me some Obamacare so I can have that twisted arm looked at.

A real man always carries cash. At best it's your bribe, at worst your rolling papers.

Ah, that magical land where you can pick a fight and claim self-defense. Wait, are we talking Florida or Iraq?

When I eat strawberries, I like to pretend they're the wizened hearts of my enemies. Ah, memories.

I'm chagrined at the necessity of even mentioning it—especially in light of the fiasco that was Chairman of the Board—but the very novella that kickstarted my so-called career back in 1985 is in print again.

It's called Deus ex Machina, and though I wouldn't wish a copy of this abortion on my worst enemy, I sincerely hope you'll grit your teeth and buy a copy.

It's coming in an e-blah version later this year, but until then you can get the (admittedly attractive) hardcover edition here. For a limited time only, my publishers have discounted it by 25%. (I suspect that, to them, "a limited time" means "forever," but don't delay anyway.)

Here's what those bean-counting freaks have to say about this appalling little volume:

With the computer called ARTHUR, Cliff Peabody has made a major breakthrough in artificial intelligence. It should be the most triumphant event of his professional career -- but why, then, is the federal government invading his laboratories? Why is half the country suffering an inexplicable power outage? And, most disturbing of all, why is reality itself going haywire in the vicinity of Cliff's office?

To learn the answers to these questions, Cliff will have to sacrifice everything -- and everybody -- that has ever been precious to him. And even then, there's no guarantee that he'll like what he discovers. Especially when it points toward the overthrow of the ultimate Creator of the universe itself...

First published in samizdat form in 1985, this rollicking, inventive, and blasphemous sci-fi adventure heralded the emergence of Perry Slaughter as a force to be reckoned with in American letters. Nearly three decades later, Deus ex Machina still retains its power to shock, astound, and entertain.

Falser words were never spoke, but if you're the type to be swayed by blatantly pandering marketing copy, by all means please click through and buy right this instant.

And hold onto your hats, because Sinister Regard still has one more of my books in the hopper. (But not in the Dennis Hopper.) Lord have mercy.

I hope you're all having a lovely holiday.

I'm here to make your Christmas just a bit more colorful, with a cozy little story I wrote a few years ago, and which my less savory associate Mr. William Shunn deigned to record for me a few years ago.

So pile another log upon the fire, gather the family around, turn up the volume on your streaming media device, and attend to my sweet seasonal tale — "Jolly St. Nick Is Dead, Alas."

Last time I looked at a facebook was at that plastic surgeon's in Thailand. But you can find me there now, for better or probably worse.